Journals378
Newest
I've been gone, so here's my obligatory journal. it comes with an unforeseen twist though, but one I'm going to be very transparent about.
So, I've been having a really tough few months and with it, a lot of introspection on who I am and what I do, all cased with the circumstance of school and my energy levels being a bitch. I feel like you all deserve an honest explanation on what's going on, and what exactly I'm going to be doing from here.
The past few months have been less than ideal; on top of school kicking up a lot more than it used to, I've been facing some really tough emotional and irl situations that have left me questioning a lot about myself and my history on this account. I've never been proud about the person I used to be back when I was on this account every 3 seconds, and I have no doubts that I've made a lot of enemies with the way I've come off and affected people with my greed/self indulgence. While I know things are different now, my history and my upbringing have rendered me incredibly paranoid about how I come off and how I project my cravings/desires. These years of history have left a scar on me and who I ultimately want to be, and it's not healthy for me as a person and creator to bind myself to these feelings. As a footnote, I regret behaving so poorly, and I apologize to everybody I've hurt and annoyed throughout my time on here.
On top of that, I'm ashamed of myself as a creator as well. I see so many people I used to be friends with on here booming with success, and everything I've tried has been failure after failure. I'm sick and tired of associating myself with being a failure and comparing myself to the success of others, as it's been a huge reason motivation for me has been hell recently.
While things have changed for the better, others have changed for the worse. I've been questioning myself as a creator a lot, and have been socially a recluse for years now. Most people have been wondering where the hell I've been, and in reality, I've hidden myself away out of shame, stress, emptiness, and apathy toward myself and my future.
On the other hand though, my amazing partner has been doing an amazing job at helping me get more out there, and I personally wish to thank her. It's because of her that I have an announcement I also want to make.
I've pretty much had it with letting my reputation and my failures define me, and I'm going to be creating a new twitter and deviantart account.
Sounds great, so what is it?
Thing is, I'm not going to say. I'm going to share it with a few people, but otherwise, I want this to be a completely new start for the person that I've been growing to become and stop associating with "mangarrow", "LeLatios", and "FletcherProductions". I'm done with forcing myself to be a moniker of my past, and I'm going to try again without anybody to compare to. This time, I'm not going to draw or create for the sake of doing it, I'm doing it because I want to express myself and who I am as opposed to being stuck in the past and hiding away. If you find me, that's great! I probably won't be making an extremely vigilant effort to hide my old identity; my art style and my general habits are pretty clear as day, to be honest.
Another thing: I'm not going to be deactivating this account, nor will I deactivate my twitter. I don't believe in deleting the past. One thing I've learned is that, while the past doesn't define you, hiding it and pretending it never happened fates it to happening again. I want to keep this account so my old art and my old existence remains present, both as a motivator for me and for you to laugh at my old shit (because it is pretty funny).
As a final note, I want to say this:
Thank you for everyone who's been there for me, and those of you who have supported me throughout these many years. I know this is kind of a big decision for me to make, but I know what I want to do now, and it begins by starting over.
Thank you for reading.
So, I've been having a really tough few months and with it, a lot of introspection on who I am and what I do, all cased with the circumstance of school and my energy levels being a bitch. I feel like you all deserve an honest explanation on what's going on, and what exactly I'm going to be doing from here.
The past few months have been less than ideal; on top of school kicking up a lot more than it used to, I've been facing some really tough emotional and irl situations that have left me questioning a lot about myself and my history on this account. I've never been proud about the person I used to be back when I was on this account every 3 seconds, and I have no doubts that I've made a lot of enemies with the way I've come off and affected people with my greed/self indulgence. While I know things are different now, my history and my upbringing have rendered me incredibly paranoid about how I come off and how I project my cravings/desires. These years of history have left a scar on me and who I ultimately want to be, and it's not healthy for me as a person and creator to bind myself to these feelings. As a footnote, I regret behaving so poorly, and I apologize to everybody I've hurt and annoyed throughout my time on here.
On top of that, I'm ashamed of myself as a creator as well. I see so many people I used to be friends with on here booming with success, and everything I've tried has been failure after failure. I'm sick and tired of associating myself with being a failure and comparing myself to the success of others, as it's been a huge reason motivation for me has been hell recently.
While things have changed for the better, others have changed for the worse. I've been questioning myself as a creator a lot, and have been socially a recluse for years now. Most people have been wondering where the hell I've been, and in reality, I've hidden myself away out of shame, stress, emptiness, and apathy toward myself and my future.
On the other hand though, my amazing partner has been doing an amazing job at helping me get more out there, and I personally wish to thank her. It's because of her that I have an announcement I also want to make.
I've pretty much had it with letting my reputation and my failures define me, and I'm going to be creating a new twitter and deviantart account.
Sounds great, so what is it?
Thing is, I'm not going to say. I'm going to share it with a few people, but otherwise, I want this to be a completely new start for the person that I've been growing to become and stop associating with "mangarrow", "LeLatios", and "FletcherProductions". I'm done with forcing myself to be a moniker of my past, and I'm going to try again without anybody to compare to. This time, I'm not going to draw or create for the sake of doing it, I'm doing it because I want to express myself and who I am as opposed to being stuck in the past and hiding away. If you find me, that's great! I probably won't be making an extremely vigilant effort to hide my old identity; my art style and my general habits are pretty clear as day, to be honest.
Another thing: I'm not going to be deactivating this account, nor will I deactivate my twitter. I don't believe in deleting the past. One thing I've learned is that, while the past doesn't define you, hiding it and pretending it never happened fates it to happening again. I want to keep this account so my old art and my old existence remains present, both as a motivator for me and for you to laugh at my old shit (because it is pretty funny).
As a final note, I want to say this:
Thank you for everyone who's been there for me, and those of you who have supported me throughout these many years. I know this is kind of a big decision for me to make, but I know what I want to do now, and it begins by starting over.
Thank you for reading.
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about my schedule and inactivity
2 min read
unsure of how many people will see this but it's late and i figure i should probably make a post about this because my activity is hella shaky
i'm gonna just get right to the point, i really don't like deviantart very much. maybe ill explain why in a future journal but that's just the blatant truth of the matter
i'm generally pretty active on twitter and discord though. if you want to keep up to date about my and others' endeavors there are a couple outlets
you can join one (or both) of these two discord servers which are public and are ones i help run
krab army: discord.gg/kUXA3b2 smaller and more compact, but it's fruitful in art stuff that not only i make, but many talented artists
galapoka paradise: discord.gg/JYtZGKQ a tf rp server, but one that's got some high quality stuff. we also like looking at ocs and are fans of critiquing stuff, so if you're into either that or high quality tf based stuff i suggest hopping into here. though i do warn you it's kinda pretty intense and could be seen as a sort of offensive place so if you're not into that i highly suggest you don't join.
and/or you can follow my twitter for posts either about shit that's going down or just shit in general
twitter.com/mangarrow
additionally i will be soon posting to my youtube channel so if you're into weird shit hop over there
www.youtube.com/user/ultimatel…
i'll probably make a post about deviantart as a whole later but yeah that's why i'm kinda, not here?
i'm gonna just get right to the point, i really don't like deviantart very much. maybe ill explain why in a future journal but that's just the blatant truth of the matter
i'm generally pretty active on twitter and discord though. if you want to keep up to date about my and others' endeavors there are a couple outlets
you can join one (or both) of these two discord servers which are public and are ones i help run
krab army: discord.gg/kUXA3b2 smaller and more compact, but it's fruitful in art stuff that not only i make, but many talented artists
galapoka paradise: discord.gg/JYtZGKQ a tf rp server, but one that's got some high quality stuff. we also like looking at ocs and are fans of critiquing stuff, so if you're into either that or high quality tf based stuff i suggest hopping into here. though i do warn you it's kinda pretty intense and could be seen as a sort of offensive place so if you're not into that i highly suggest you don't join.
and/or you can follow my twitter for posts either about shit that's going down or just shit in general
twitter.com/mangarrow
additionally i will be soon posting to my youtube channel so if you're into weird shit hop over there
www.youtube.com/user/ultimatel…
i'll probably make a post about deviantart as a whole later but yeah that's why i'm kinda, not here?
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artfight
1 min read
artfight.net/~mangarrow
im on team nightmare this year. if you attack me chances are ill attack you back, though the quality of which i do it may vary depending on my mood or whatever so
im on team nightmare this year. if you attack me chances are ill attack you back, though the quality of which i do it may vary depending on my mood or whatever so
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happy 2019
1 min read
new year new life
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nvm i changed my mind
1 min read
i'm gonna give dA a shot again
ill post more probably and open comms and things, idk lol
ill post more probably and open comms and things, idk lol
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